The 67 best Gilmore Girls quotes to use for a quippy comeback

Almost 25 years after making its premiere on The WB in the year 2000, Gilmore Girls has stood the test of time to be one of the most beloved shows of all time. It's still a staple on Netflix, with superfans rewatching all seven seasons of their chosen comfort show when the mood strikes And there's no judgment if it's on a constant loop. Life's just better with Lorelai and Rory.

On top of the original seven seasons of the series, Netflix's revival miniseries Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life brought fans four more super-sized episodes to obsess over back in 2016. We had the opportunity to catch up with Lorelai, Rory, and Emily and be shocked by the last four words that still have fans hoping for a potential followup season.

While the last four words of Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life are probably the most famous Gilmore Girls quote by far, the series is chock full of pop culture references, biting one-liners, witty zingers, and hilarious adorations of coffee and food. If you're in need of a quippy comeback or a relatable quote to share with the world, we've compiled 67 of the series' best quotes for any occasion.

Funny Lorelai Gilmore quotes

No one makes us laugh quite like the queen herself Lorelai Gilmore. From smelling snow to being coffee's biggest fan, her sharp tongue always has something to say and more often than not, it's hilarious. There's no stopping Lorelai's wit, and everyone — including her mother — knows it. Although not definitive and all-encompassing, here are 19 of Lorelai's funniest quotes you can dish out when you're in search of the perfect remark.

1. “As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I'm totally flexible.”

2. "Oy with the poodles already!"

3. “Cheeseburger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I’m looking for heroes.”

4. “It's Friday night, we should be out partying with the homies.”

5. "When the big hand hits the 's' and the little hand hits the 'oon.'"

6. “If you're going to throw your life away, he'd better have a motorcycle.”

7. “My life stinks. Hey, let’s look into each other’s eyes and say 'I wish I were you' at exactly the same time — maybe we’ll pull a Freaky Friday.”

8. “You are full of hate and loathing and I gotta tell you, I love it!”

9. “There's plenty to do tonight that we can be mortified about tomorrow.”

10. “I'm attracted to pie. It doesn't mean I feel the need to date pie.”

11. “There have been very few moments in my life where I have actually wished I had one of those enormous crème pies you can just smash in somebody's face. But this is definitely one of them.”

12. “I don't like problems. I avoid them when I can and I don't like people pointing them out to me.”

13. “This is America, where we unapologetically bastardize other countries' cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy.”

14. “Did anyone ever think that maybe Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, she was just cold?”

15. “I don't like Mondays, but unfortunately they come around eventually.”

16. “Hey, I have a New Year's resolution for you: Become more cynical and self-absorbed.”

17. “Seventy-five thousand dollars? Oh my God, that’s like 150 pairs of Jimmy Choos.”

18. “You know my babbling capabilities are infinite.”

19. “I'm afraid once your heart is involved, it all comes out in moron.”

Lorelai Gilmore coffee and food quotes

If there's one thing Lorelai loves more than Rory, it's coffee. And after coffee, it's junk food. Lorelai and Rory are notorious foodies, and by foodies, of course they prefer the best toaster pastries for breakfast and a smorgasbord of takeout from Al's Pancake World. Nothing beats a burger from Luke's, though. For the fellow coffee lovers and junk food fans, here are Lorelai's best quotes from the series revolving around both coffee and food.

20. “Everything in my life has something to do with coffee. I believe in a former life, I was coffee.” -Lorelai Gilmore

21. "And if eating cake is wrong, I don't want to be right." -Lorelai Gilmore

22. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Baby, you lost me at carrots. Which, by the way, was the first draft of 'You Had Me at Hello.'” -Lorelai Gilmore

23. "I need coffee in an IV." -Lorelai Gilmore

24. “I would like a cheeseburger, with a side of cheeseburger, and see if they can make me a cheeseburger smoothie.” -Lorelai Gilmore

25. “I need caffeine. Whatever form you've got, I haven't had any all day. I'll drink it, shoot it, eat it, snort it, whatever form it's in, gimme.” -Lorelai Gilmore

26. “If it was physically possible to make love to a hot beverage, this would be the one.” -Lorelai Gilmore

27. “I love pudding. I worship it. I have a bowl up on the mantel at home with the Virgin Mary, a glass of wine, and a dollar bill next to it.” -Lorelai Gilmore

28. “I stop drinking coffee, I stop doing the standing and the walking and the words-putting-into-sentence doing.” -Lorelai Gilmore

Funny Rory Gilmore quotes

She's her mother's daughter and proof that Lorelai's sense of humor is genetic. Although some fans have had a bit of trouble with Rory Gilmore and her choices in both the original and revival series, she's just as iconic as her mother and grandmother. Whether she's surviving and thriving while studying or being self-deprecating like most millennials, Rory's definitely one of the show's most quotable characters, especially with these 10 funny quotes.

29. "Nothing excites me before 11:00.”

30. "I cannot do this alone. I need my mommy, and I don't care who knows it!"

31. "It's Avril Lavigne's world. We're just living in it."

32. "I'm just a big, fat, Wookiee-humping loser with no future."

33. "Shouldn't I be crying? I feel like I should be crying."

34. "My books look sad. Can books look sad?”

35. "A little nervous breakdown can really work wonders for a girl."

36. "When I hit Bolshevik revolution overload, I just shift over here and... oh, hello! Anne Boleyn is going down, and when that gets too depressing, it's right over to calculus."

37. "God, you are like a pop-up book from hell."

38. "Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?" 

Relatable Gilmore Girls quotes

Beyond Lorelai and Rory's funniest quotes, the heart of the series holds a lot of relatability. Gilmore Girls tackles a lot of universal themes, including mother-daughter relationships, coming-of-age, love, loss, and so many other aspects of life. The show will make you laugh, but it also has the capacity to hit you right in the feels and be super personal with its deeper storylines. Check out these nuggets of wisdom when you need a pick-me-up or want to help inspire a friend.

39. “It feels… right. Such a long time getting here… sometimes it’s just a journey, you know?” -Lorelai Gilmore

40. "One of those moments when everything is so perfect and so wonderful that… you almost feel sad because nothing could ever be this good again.” -Rory Gilmore

41. "I'm not cut out to deal with people." -Paris Geller

42. "You have so many years of screw-ups ahead of you." -Lorelai Gilmore

43. "This adult stuff is hard, isn’t it?" -Lane Kim

44. “I’m not broken. Maybe just a little chipped.” -Lorelai Gilmore

45. "An education is the most important thing in the world, next to family." -Emily Gilmore

46. "It's all any of us wants, to find a nice person to hang out with until we drop dead. Not a lot to ask." -Lorelai Gilmore

47. "It's my responsibility as your best friend to make sure you do exciting things even when don't want to." -Sookie St. James

48. “Life’s been pretty good to you. It was your turn for a few curveballs. Peeks and valleys, kid.” -Lorelai Gilmore

49. "Marriage is not about always being happy, and often it's about not being happy at all. It's about compromise." -Emily Gilmore

50. "I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, where I was going, what I was doing and why I was doing it. But lately, things seem hazier.” -Lorelai Gilmore

Funny Emily Gilmore quotes

Last but certainly not least, Emily Gilmore isn't to be forgotten when it comes to a clever punchline. Where did Lorelai get her flair for comedy? She would never admit it, but it's straight from her mother. She's the one character in the series (apart from maybe Mrs. Kim?) whose bark is equal to her bite. She isn't afraid to call someone out or say what everyone else is thinking. That's not always wise, but it's made for some of the shows funniest quotes. Here are 17 times Emily Gilmore was the true icon of the one-liner in Gilmore Girls.

51. "You do not go running out the door when a boy honks."

52. "Hold on. I'm looking up 'aneurysm' in our medical dictionary to see if I just had one."

53. "I saw her kissing a man in a tracksuit!"

54. "You never do anything unless it's exactly what you want to do. You never have. You go through life like a natural disaster knocking down everything and everyone in your path."

55. "This is easily the most pointless conversation we've ever had."

56. "If I wanted to play ping-pong I would... Well if I wanted to play ping-pong, I would kill myself."

57. "Find a box, throw her in, we're done. Better yet, throw the old harpy's carcass in a ditch. Let a wolverine eat her."

58. "Well, if you expect that muffin to fly back to the kitchen by itself, you better go get it a cape."

59. "I am going to go insane. If you don't help me, I'll take you with me!"

60. "Just let me buy my plane, Lorelai. Let me be frivolous and shallow, will you, please?"

61. "At least she had a husband to kill."

62. "Would you like me to put a mirror in front of you so you can look at yourself while having this conversation?"

63. “You’re pleased that the ice man looked at you like a Porterhouse steak.”

64. "If she's bleeding on the side of the road, I'll drive by, pretend I didn't see."

65. "You can use your mother's old golf clubs. They're upstairs, gathering dust, with the rest of her potential."

66. "I was going to wait until you called me, but my life isn't as long as yours"

67. "Well, then buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business."

All seven seasons and miniseries revival of Gilmore Girls are available on Netflix.